I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
