I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
