Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
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Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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