She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
