I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
