so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
this hospital has no fireball
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
