There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
