We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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