i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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