Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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