You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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