Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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