if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
