Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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