The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
