what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
