I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
