Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
