I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
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