I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
