I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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