I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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