Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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