Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
