I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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