I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
