woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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