The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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