Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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