Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
