WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
