you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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