so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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