My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
