i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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