Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
