what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
