she woke up with a sticky ear
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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