Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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