Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Randomize
