I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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