I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
