plz talk dirty to me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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