We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
