Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
