good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
