Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
