Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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