My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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