I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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