I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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