Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
