We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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