Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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