forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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