He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
