Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
