Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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